Sometimes nothin’ can be a real cool hand

Stitch together a collection of some of the greatest character actors in movie history. Put them in a sweaty, Southern prison setting in a 2-hour, 7-minute film that shows just three women, only one with a speaking part. Throw in a nice little soundtrack and score.

Whaddya got?

Something pretty good, but maybe not a lot. Not, at least, until Paul Newman strolls onto the scene, delivering what he called his favorite role in a 55-year acting career.

Then you’ve got “Cool Hand Luke,” the 1967 classic with as many legendary one-liners as it does blue-eyed Newman smiles.

Actors from seemingly every 1970s TV show dot the film. You’ve got J.D. Cannon, the police chief from “McCloud;” Wayne Rogers, Trapper John from M*A*S*H; Ralph Waite, the dad from “The Waltons;” and Strother Martin, a staple of TV westerns. And don’t forget Joe Don Baker, who played Sheriff Buford Pusser in the 1973 movie, “Walking Tall.”

The characters pick up a notch with the iconic Harry Dean Stanton, who’s on my personal Top Five Actors of All-Time list, and who delivers some nice songs on guitar from the prison yard’s front porch, including “Just a Closer Walk With Thee.”

A young Dennis Hopper is barely recognizable and barely says a word but, being Dennis Hopper, still has his moments.

Topping them all, though, is George Kennedy, the prison camp’s physical but illiterate leader Dragline, the one who hangs an official nickname on every prisoner, including the new guy, Luke, who quickly becomes the camp’s reluctant spiritual and emotional leader.

Kennedy earned a well-deserved Oscar for best supporting actor in the role. That was the only Oscar the film won, though it was nominated for three others, including Newman’s leading role.

Watching “Cool Hand Luke,” as I have more times than I care to admit, it’s instinctive to think Newman was robbed by not winning the best actor Academy Award. Until you look at the other nominees that year:

Rod Steiger, “In the Heat of the Night” (winner)

Warren Beatty, “Bonnie and Clyde”

Dustin Hoffman, “The Graduate”

Spencer Tracy, “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner”

Those are all great films and great performances. Any deserved to win, but I would rank them Newman, Hoffman, Steiger, Tracy, Beatty. If anyone got robbed, it was Sidney Poitier, who did not get a nomination for either best actor in “In the Heat of the Night” or best supporting actor in “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner.”

However, I digress way too far.

The film takes place in a limited time and space, with oppressive walls, oppressive fences and oppressive prison bosses who love to exercise their authority, especially on the chain-gang workers.

New prisoner Luke Jackson represents something different to the prisoners. He walks counter to everything they’re used to.

He’s the coolest kid in the yard, because he doesn’t give a damn about anything.

One day, on the chain gang, Luke starts working double-time on a road project. The prisoners get angry and tell him to slow down. Soon, though, they join in. Only later do they realize, by doing the job twice as fast, they get the second half of the day off.

At first, they marvel at Luke and his independent streak, then they worship him. Eventually, after he proves to be merely human, they resent him.

In one of the more memorable scenes, Luke says he can eat 50 hard-boiled eggs. In an hour.

All the prisoners in camp take a side. Can he or can’t he? Soon, every cent in camp is riding on the bet.

When asked why he would suggest such a crazy thing, Luke’s reply is, “Well, it’d be something to do.”

Another of Luke’s favorite things to do is escape prison, which he does one too many times.

Spiritual themes run throughout the film, augmenting Luke’s messianic persona.

Chances are, you’ve seen “Cool Hand Luke” at least once. Even if you have, you owe it to yourself to look again with new eyes.

You’ll find yourself alternately laughing, crying, marveling at the human spirit and lamenting at human cruelty.

And if you haven’t seen it, it’s certain you’ll find at least one scene that will stick with you a long time. If you’re like me, that will be true of almost every scene.

As I said, many classic lines. Pick your favorite from the following.

“Just standing here in the rain, talking to myself.”

“Calling it your job don’t make it right.”

After thumping Luke’s egg-filled belly: “It’s like a ripe watermelon what’s about to bust itself ope.’”

“She knows exactly what she’s doing.”

“I betcha a cold drank.”

And, perhaps the most famous, “What we got here, is failure to communicate.”

That’s ironic, because this movie communicates constantly, whether you’re listening or not.