Hind Speak

"Hey buddy, maybe you'll rope better after your horse foals. Ha ha!"

"Thanks, pal. I had a horse like yours once. But his brain was so small his head caved in and he bit his own ears off! Look it's starting in yours... see that indention."

The quick retort. The trick is to let the tormentor step into his own trap:

"My gosh, Bill, if I had a bull that threw calves like that, I'd sell 'im as quick as I could!"

            "You had... you did. I bought him at yer yearlin' sale two years ago!"

"This is ridiculous havin' to nearly undress to get through airport security."

            "I've never heard anyone say that who's been hijacked."

"How can you live without a computer?"

            "Somebody's gotta think up all that stuff you read on that little screen."

"Dear, why do you always undercook my bacon? You know I like it crisp."

            "Yer mother always cooked it crisp and said you were difficult to potty train. I don't want you to revert."

"I hope you don't mind us joining you. Looks like yer catchin' all the fish."

            "Not a bit, have y'all been vaccinated for leprosy?"

"I run every day. Are you familiar with running?"

            "Yeah, I saw The Fugitive."

"How could anyone be so stupid?"

            "Maybe it's the company I keep."

Now that you've got the idea, try this on...

“Did you make that bridle yourself or is your kid learning leatherwork in kindergarten?"

Baxter Black is a cowboy poet, former large-animal veterinarian and entertainer of the agricultural masses. Learn more at www.baxterblack.com