It’s a funny thing, but through the ages wise and learned medical practitioners have incorporated laughter into their healing work.
It was Solomon, the wise king of the United Kingdom of Israel (970-931 BCE), who said, “Laughter is the best medicine.”
There are numerous science-based sources that say laughing produces chemicals in the brain that make us feel better. They relieve stress and enhance our sense of well-being. In Proverbs 17:22, the Bible says, ““A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.”
With all that in mind, we asked Bulletin staff to submit their favorite short, clean, no-more-than-mildly offensive jokes.
Here’s what we got.
From Mike Cook, writer:
- A priest joins a silent religious order that allows members to speak only two words every 10 years. At the end of the first decade, the priest goes to the abbot in charge of the order and says, “Food bad.” At the end of the second decade, the priest goes to the abbot and says, “Bed hard.” At the end of the third decade, the priest goes to the abbot and says, “I quit!” The abbot replies, “I’m not surprised. You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”
- Why did the Republican chicken cross the Potomac: To see Orrin Hatch. (This isn’t a real joke; I just made it up.)
From Elva Osterreich, editor and writer:
- I was listening to “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me” and Steven Colbert was the guest because the original guest had canceled. He told a joke his daughter made up when she was 3. What does the dog say? “Ruff ruff?” Exactly right. What does the cow say? Moo? No, the cow says “Ruff ruff.” Why? There’s a dog in its mouth.
- And this is my granddaughter’s favorite knock-knock joke from when she was 3. Knock knock. Who’s there? Interrupting cow. Interrupt …. MOO!
From Claire Frohs, marketing consultant:
- My friend told me this joke about a guy who had his guest line up for juice. I don’t remember the entire joke, but I know there was a long punch line.
- A 3-year-old boy sits next to a pregnant woman on the bus. Blinking, he blatantly asks her, “Why do you look so fat?” The mom-to-be, charmed by the child’s boldness, responds, “I have a baby inside of me!” Looking perplexed, the boy then asks, “Is it a good baby?” “Yes”, replies the pregnant woman. “So then, why did you eat it?”
- How does Jesus make his coffee? Hebrews it!
From Jess Williams, editor:
- A minister, a priest and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says, “I think I’m a typo.”
From Richard Coltharp, publisher:
- A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Why the long face?”
- Q. What do you get when you cross a bridge with a car? A. To the other side.
From Pam Rossi, marketing consultant:
- What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.
From Ian Clarke, marketing consultant:
- Went to the doctor and all he did was suck blood from my neck. Do not go see Dr. Acula.
From the late comedian Mitch Hedberg:
- I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
- I find that a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.